Charting Evolving Social Attitudes Toward Death and Their Impact on Deathcare

The deathcare industry looks different in every culture and has shifted greatly over time. Let’s examine why these cultural shifts occur and how you can use history to help you drive impactful and meaningful services to the families and communities you serve.

Around the world, families play a vital role in caring for the body and guiding the grieving process, with traditions that deeply reflect cultural values and spiritual beliefs. In many cultures, family members actively participate in washing, dressing, and preparing the body, often accompanied by rituals or extended vigils. In Latin American countries, families host wakes and build ofrendas during Día de los Muertos to honor the deceased with food, photos, and memories. Similarly, Jewish, Muslim, and Irish customs emphasize respectful handling of the body and family-centered mourning, whether through immediate burial, ritual washing, or multi-day wakes filled with stories and songs. These practices not only honor the dead but also help families find emotional closure and maintain a sense of continuity.

In contrast, American society often distances families from the physical and emotional aspects of death, outsourcing care to professionals. This wasn’t always the case, however. In fact, the deathcare industry arguably began with the need presented by the death toll of the American Civil War. Previously, care of the body was part of a family’s role and an active part of the death/grieving process.

Families of northern soldiers wanted a way to bury their fallen with their families. Embalming bodies became commonplace in America so that families of northern soldiers could hold viewings and bury their dead.

The funeral and death care industry has always been intrinsically tied to our society’s views on the act of dying. By observing the ways our cultures’ attitudes shift we are able to see trends forming and new conversations around the role death, dying, and honoring those that have passed; like those starting to bubble up in traditional media, social media, and more.

It’s important to note that society’s views on big matters like work, death, and love tend to swing the farthest when we’ve collectively gone through a major loss or upheaval. The Civil War not only created a need for the deathcare industry, but it also catapulted Spiritualism into the forefront of the cultural sphere.

Spiritualism emerged as a belief system centered around communicating with the dead through manifestations, seances, and mediums. Defined by its emphasis on direct and individual access to the spirit world, it was like a salve on the wounds caused by the disconnect, distance, and death of the war.

As we look at the aftereffects of the Civil War, many of the societal outcomes stem from a need to feel connected to a loved one. That the physical distance at the time of loss greatly impacted our views, and our needs moving forward. This isn’t the only time we’ve seen major shifts in attitude around this topic.

The great plague in Europe during the 14th century resulted in one-third to half the population dead, the traditional methods of burial were unable to keep up with the large number of people dying on a daily basis, and a change in the way of burial was needed. The known tradition of burying loved ones as a family event with friends in attendance was no longer a possibility considering the dangerous circumstances and the great fear of contracting the disease.

Medicine and our understanding of the world around us was lacking, making death a normal part of everyday life at the time. Due to the sheer scale of the plague however, cultural norms shifted towards fearing the sick and dying.

A similar phenomenon occurred after World War I and the subsequent 1918 Influenza epidemic. The country saw death on such a large magnitude that it kicked off a phase of death denialism that we have been working through ever since. This major event influenced pop-culture of the time including sci-fi and horror writing like HP Lovecraft. In the broader culture, the major loss of life sparked a society-wide fear of appearing sick or unwell. You can see this show up, even today, as conversations around illness or hardship are, in many circles, still considered taboo. At the time, this fear was seized upon by eugenicists as a tool of white-supremacy to propagandize the events and allowed the Nazi party to gain credibility.

Looking at these points in history, it’s clear how major events quickly and thoroughly reshape our practices, habits, and traditions. Bringing our focus to the present and thinking about the Covid-19 pandemic, you start to see parallels between our realities and the realities of individuals recovering from their circumstances throughout history.

After the Civil War, the inability to access their loved ones at this critical time in their lives brought about the cultural powerhouse of Spiritualism to help try and fulfill a need of connection and also influenced how we as a country observe and honor death.

The curiosities around death may look different than they did to previous grieving generations but you can see the influences that made today’s population. People that have experienced 1 too many once in a lifetime experiences to let anything get in the way of a laugh. You also see people connecting to their community, their families, and themselves in a deeper, or maybe more public way, than we’ve seen previously.

Scrolling on the internet you’ll find examples of people connecting to the experience of loss in seemingly unconventional ways.

After the passing of famous drag queen, Jiggly Caliente, her friends and family shared stories and gave her one last “roast, fit for a queen”.

The Last Supper project documents Josheph Nana Kwama Wauah-Darko (Okuntakinte)’s journey connecting with individuals around the world in a final meal. Living with treatment-resistant bipolar disorder, Okuntakinte decided to purse assisted euthanasia in the Netherlands.

While these examples may seem like they come from opposite ends of the spectrum, one could also interpret the two videos as a way to engage in the world around us in the face of death. Finding ways to connect with those in our vicinity and relish the experiences presented to us.

These cultural moments are occurring at the same time that new markets are being created in the deathcare industry.

The role of a death doula has been observed in cultures around the world for centuries. In today’s setting an end-of-life doula offers support to those seeking grief support, typically prior to a person passing. While not new to the world, the idea of a death doula is relatively new to the US. After Covid-19 we saw a rise in interest around the idea, with some end-of-life doula groups training rates more than doubling between 2019 and 2021, as reported by Time.

Are we starting to see a pattern? Major cultural shifts, new markets and needs arise in the deathcare industry? Looking at the effects, it almost feels like we are attempting a full-circle moment. We are trying to get back to the connection, closer to traditions from history. Thinking about what this means for the funeral home directors, the embalmers, and administrative staff, we need to look at the underlying need that was created.

Much like the aftereffects of the Civil War our society, recovering from Covid, never got those final moments with loved ones. Confusion and fear abounded as we tried to grapple with the experience. Much like the aftereffects of the Civil War, we see a need for guidance and comfort as well as the opportunity to relive memories, to share those bedside stories, to connect with the world around us in different ways.

Are there ways you can provide opportunities for connection or events outside of the traditional funeral? Are there opportunities for death or grief counseling as part of your offering? Finding ways to connect with an individual or group’s specific needs will only help your business and the experience of all involved.

In the modern workplace, the push for productivity, efficiency, and performance often leaves little room for vulnerability, empathy, or emotional connection. But something critical is lost when we leave our full selves at the door, especially in professions built around compassion, like death care.

Bringing humanity back into the workplace means prioritizing connection, empathy, and the well-being of people, not just processes. This shift isn’t just a feel-good trend. It’s a mental health imperative and in deathcare, it’s a professional responsibility.

Deathcare professionals are entrusted with supporting people through one of life’s most vulnerable and emotionally complex experiences. We work in sacred, high-emotion spaces that require presence, compassion, and resilience.

Yet, in trying to maintain professionalism, many of us have learned to suppress our own emotional needs. This emotional distancing may feel necessary, but over time it leads to compassion fatigue, burnout, and isolation. Seeing people as people, ourselves included, builds trust, connection, and a stronger, healthier workplace.

The truth is: when you bring more of your humanity to work, you don’t just help grieving families, you help yourself stay grounded, mentally healthy, and fulfilled.

5 Ways to Bring Humanity Into the Workplace

Here are five meaningful, practical ways to center humanity in your everyday work:

1. Lead With Empathy, Not Just Efficiency

While it’s important to keep operations running smoothly, try to prioritize emotional cues alongside logistics. Take a few extra seconds to really listen to a family’s story or pause to acknowledge a colleague’s stress. Small gestures of empathy like eye contact, validating someone’s emotions, a kind tone go a long way in helping people feel seen.

Empathy builds emotional bridges that transform not just individual interactions, but entire team dynamics.”

2. Create Emotional Safety Among Staff

Deathcare staff need just as much care as the families they serve. Build opportunities for emotional check-ins after a difficult service, a tragic loss, or a long week. Model vulnerability. Let others know it’s okay to say, “That was hard,” or “I need a break.” Cultivating this safety supports mental health and retention.

3. Honor Your Own Grief and Emotional Limits

You are allowed to be human. If a service touches a nerve or a family reminds you of your own loss, acknowledge it. Suppressing emotion isn’t a badge of honor—it’s a warning sign. Build in practices that help you process like journaling, peer discussions, therapy, or even brief quiet time before or after services.

4. Personalize the Care You Provide

Humanity in death care also means treating every family, and every death, as unique. Ask questions that go beyond logistics. Invite personal stories, rituals, and details. Doing this not only comforts the grieving but reminds you why this work matters.

5. Let Trusted Support Teams Help You Stay Human

You don’t have to do it alone. At Directors’ Choice, a team of specially trained receptionists serves as the professional, compassionate front line for funeral homes and deathcare organizations. By partnering with a support team that understands the sensitivity of your work, you can focus more on being fully present with families knowing every call is being answered with care, calm, and dignity. It’s one of the most human things you can do: ask for help so you can better serve others.

Protecting Your Mental Health

The emotional demands of deathcare are real. We can’t offer compassion to others if we don’t extend it to ourselves. Taking care of your mental health isn’t a luxury, it’s part of the work.

If you or someone you know is struggling with stress, grief, or emotional burnout, help is always available.

📞 Contact the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988

You’ll be connected with trained counselors who are there to listen, support, and help you find resources in your area. Confidential. Free. 24/7.

More at: 988lifeline.org

Bringing humanity into death care isn’t soft. It’s not unprofessional. It’s powerful. It changes how families heal, how teams work, and how we care for ourselves.

So, let’s choose presence over perfection. Let’s make space for emotion, connection, and authenticity. And most importantly, let’s look out for the hearts behind the work, starting with our own.

For more content like this, make sure to check our blog.

For more content like this, make sure to check our blog. 

 

 

 

 

 

Empathy stands as a foundation for meaningful human connection. It allows us to build relationships, express care, and show support to those around us. Empathy plays a major role in many careers but becomes vital in emotionally charged environments like the deathcare industry. For professionals in this field, displaying empathy is not just an act of compassion but a critical skill that supports the grieving process, fosters healing and trust, and provides critical space for closure. Every person has a different capacity for naturally occurring empathy, but it’s also a skill to be honed, a muscle to be flexed, and there’s always room for improvement. Join us as we discuss the basics of empathy along with challenges and skills to practice to ensure you’re providing the best care to those you serve, every time.

Understanding Empathy

Empathy is more than just offering sympathy or kind words; it is the ability to truly place oneself in another person’s experience.

Dr. Brené Brown explains the difference by identifying empathy as fostering connection—taking a moment to reflect on how you would feel in certain situations. While sympathy often creates separation. Unlike sympathy, which may focus on pity , empathy allows you to share and validate another’s emotions.

For those working in mental health or caregiving roles, empathy is often described as “a bridge” that lets those in crisis feel seen, heard, and supported. Importantly, it is an actionable practice that can be learned and honed over time.

Empathy in Deathcare

The deathcare industry is a unique and challenging space. A space where the main audience is dealing with huge human emotions like loss and grief and where people are generally vulnerable. Working alongside these big emotions, sometimes even trauma, requires a deep understanding of how people work and patience as they work through these feelings with you beside them. This is where empathy becomes indispensable.

Empathy allows deathcare professionals to comfort grieving families in a way that feels personal and genuine. When families feel truly heard and understood, it helps them begin processing their loss, fostering a sense of safety during an otherwise overwhelming experience. We often see families at their most vulnerable and emotional. It can be challenging to know how to respond or help in these situations, but remember what Dr. Brown said: “Rarely can a response make something better. What makes something better is connection.”

Practicing Empathy

Empathy is not just an innate trait; it can also be developed through practice and intentional effort. Here are some ways that we all can cultivate empathy in our work:

  • Listen actively: Be present and fully focused on the person speaking. Avoid interrupting or offering advice prematurely.
  • Put yourself in their shoes: Try to imagine how the person may be feeling and what they might need in that moment.
  • Take a beat to process your own reactions and connect to your breath. We humans love to react. Allow yourself the space and time to respond in healthy ways.

Addressing Unique Needs

Each family’s grief is different, and understanding these nuances helps deathcare professionals provide tailored care. Empathy ensures that not only are the services you offer relevant to their cultural, emotional, and logistical needs, but that it’s all done from a place of genuine compassion and grace.

Practicing Empathy as Mental Health First Aid

To ensure that empathy is not only practiced effectively but also sustainably, individuals can integrate strategies recommended in mental health first aid. These include:

  • Listening without judgment: Avoid judging or making assumptions about families’ grieving methods. Offer your presence and support without trying to “fix” their emotions.
  • Staying present: When with families, give your undivided attention and avoid distractions. Eye contact, a nod, or simply sitting in silence can offer immense comfort.
  • Validating their experience: Words such as “This must be incredibly hard for you” or “I’m here to help in any way I can” reinforce that their feelings are valid and respected.
  • Removing barriers: Neutralize any biases or preconceived notions to offer unbiased and compassionate care. Ask open-ended questions and actively listen to their responses.
  • Encouraging self-care: Remind family members that taking care of themselves is just as important as taking care of their loved one. Encourage them to take breaks, eat well, and get enough rest.
  • Providing resources: Offer resources such as support groups or counseling services that can help family members cope with their emotions in a healthy way.

The Challenge of Empathy Burnout

Working closely with grief and trauma can take a significant toll on deathcare professionals, leading to what is often referred to as empathetic burnout or compassion fatigue.

Symptoms of Compassion Fatigue

Common signs include irritability, difficulty focusing, insomnia, emotional detachment, and, in more severe cases, depression or burnout. Left unaddressed, these symptoms can affect work performance, personal relationships, and mental health.

Strategies to Prevent Burnout

  • Carve out time to recharge: Dedicate time each day for self-care activities, whether it’s meditation, exercise, or spending quality time with loved ones. These activities help decontaminate your mind and refuel your emotional reserves.
  • Build a support system: Stay connected with peers who understand the unique challenges of the deathcare industry. Sharing experiences and advice can provide both validation and new coping mechanisms.
  • Explore professional support: Consider consulting a therapist or counselor trained in secondary trauma or compassion fatigue. Proactively addressing emotional stressors ensures long-term mental health. If you or someone you know needs support, help is available. Visit 988lifeline.org for immediate assistance or explore findtreatment.gov to locate treatment options near you.
  • Take breaks: Taking regular time off to reset and focus on your mental well-being is essential. Make it a priority to recharge and care for yourself.
  • Set emotional boundaries: Learn to compartmentalize work emotions. While empathy is critical during work hours, create personal boundaries to leave work-related stress behind at the end of the day.

Empathy powers the connections that make deathcare more than just a service; it turns it into a meaningful space of healing and humanity. While practicing empathy builds deep trust with families, it also requires ongoing personal care to ensure its sustainability.

By approaching grief with empathy and prioritizing self-care, you can continue to serve grieving families with compassion, respect, and resilience.

Supporting the Supporters

Taking time for uninterrupted tasks, like planning services or meeting vendors, can help professionals be fully present with families when needed. By partnering with Directors’ Choice, funeral home directors can offload operational necessities and reduce their workload, allowing them to focus on what matters most—supporting the families they serve.

Learn more about how we support deathcare professionals and the families they serve.